Parent Teacher Confrence!

I went to my very first parent teacher conference by myself with Dallen yesterday. Dan had to work late so I had to take him, let me tell you I was a little nervous about it. We sat waiting for the teacher who was about 45 minutes behind schedule, anticipating and waiting to hear what Dallen had been up to with school. I played games with Dallen while waiting for his teacher to be done with his other student and parent. Overall his teacher had nothing but praise for Dallen and how he is very respectful and very smart kid. Its nice to hear that we are raising such a awesome kid. No we just need to make sure he keeps up with his homework by actually bringing it home and turning it in on time. Being a parent definitely has its rewards and also its trials but you do the best you can and hope that's enough.

Zane!!

So lately I have been struggling with missing Zane and all the stuff with the adoption and just feeling down right sad. I wasn't sure what to do at first because well I have a hard time communicating and letting people know exactly how I feel or what I need. I think about him everyday and miss him greatly but mostly just the baby I knew. When I get updates from the adoptive couple he has grown and turned into a handsome young man at the age of 3 years old and since I don't get visits anymore I haven't been able to get to know his personality like I would like to. I love him so much though and that will never change.

I have so many hopes and dreams for him and I know a lot of them will come true because he has such a bright future. He now has a brother and a sister and I am so happy that he can have siblings to go up with. I sometimes think of how my life would differ from the way it is now if I would of raised him myself...I would love him and take care of him. But he wouldn't have a dad around all the time to teach him how to be a "real man" or just to have a dad there for him. I would be able to function and would of had a decent life (with financial situation) but who knows if I would of found Dan. Its interesting the paths life takes us, by the decisions we make. Zane always has a big spot in my heart that he took with him!! You don't realize until you become a mother what you would do for your children. And even though I am not raising Zane I am still his birth mom and want the best for him and I want to see him succeed in everything he does in his life.

The first time I held him in my hands after that horrible 16 hours of labor I loved him so much even though I would have to see him go two days later. Knowing that I wasn't going to see him sit up, roll over, crawl, stand, walk or say his first word or even see him on his first day of Kindergarten. But I did get to love him first and experience being a mother even for a little while. I hope he always remembers that I love him and I placed him for adoption for all the right reasons and that I always want the best for him even if I don't get to see him grow up. Zane I love you and always will!!!

Picture of me and Zane right before I placed him with his adoptive parents...
Updated photo of Zane and his twin siblings...